You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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