She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
