I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
