He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
