I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
