The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
