she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
