Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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