I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
