You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
