sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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