Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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