Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
