I want to stick my p in your. b.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
