is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
