I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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