I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
