Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
