I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
