Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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