Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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