Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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