So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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