He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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