if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
