Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
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you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
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You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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