Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
