yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
