I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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