Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
