Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
