pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize