just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
