he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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