it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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