I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize