a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
