and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
