Swine flu. Run for my life!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
