so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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