they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
