I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
