mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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