I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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