don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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