I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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