Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
