I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
