Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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