He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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