i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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