We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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