Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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