I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
