a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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