I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
