Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
