i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
