I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
