are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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