What did we do last night that was yellow?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
