She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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