A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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