Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
