whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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