I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
