Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
