If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
